>Sender: >To: >X-Original-Message-ID: <16fa01bf39c9$9c945600$9acf69cf@pacbell.net> >From: "Peter McWilliams" >Subject: Darwin Awards 1999 >Date: Sun, 28 Nov 1999 09:54:26 -0800 >X-Mozilla-Status: 8001 >X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000 > > > >1999 Darwin Awards > > > >Here's the moment we've been waiting for...and the envelope please... > >Read, Enjoy, And Pray that you aren't related to any of these people. > >Mandatory annual dose of morbid humor... The true high point of the > >e-mail year has arrived. Yes it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those > >sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards. These > >awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who > >did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. > >One might note that three of the Award Winners used alcohol, probably the >most performance-enhancing of all drugs for the Darwin Competition, and the >clear favorite of past Darwin Winners. (Unlike the Olympics, the Darwin >Competition does not rule out otherwise qualified Olympians just because >they used performance-enhancing drugs. Indeed, it can help in the final >judging. > >Enjoy, > >Peter > > > >DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: > > > >#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a > >bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. > >A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of > >one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch > >from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the > >hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, > >seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers > >headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, > >Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, > >Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the > >hospital. > >#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with > >third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. > >Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian > >roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional > >revolver) to Ken's head and fired. > >#3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked to death on > >a sequined pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a local > >establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat it," the dancer > >identified only as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk." > >#4 - MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security man asked a colleague at the > >Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it > >would protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old > >guard died of a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into > >the spirit of the Darwin Awards.) > >#5 - In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he > >decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a > >noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large > >rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to > >shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The > >bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the > >threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished > >the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the > >water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he died of > >hypothermia. > >#6 - RENTON, WASHINGTON, USA. A Renton, Washington man tried to > >commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the > >fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally > >stupid choices as listed below: > >1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms...a gun shop. > >2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial > >portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed > >handguns in public places. > >3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car > >parked at the front door. > >4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having > >coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be > >robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a > >clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several > >other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else was > >hurt. > >AND THE 1999 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS..... > >THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA. Telephone relay company night watchman > >Edward Baker, 31, was killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave > >radiation exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a > >telecommunications feed-horn. Baker had been suspended on a safety > >violation once last year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal Relay > >spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for > >defeating a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance > >catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish. He had told > >coworkers that it was the only way he could stay warm during his > >twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter temperatures often dip to > >forty below zero. Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue > >in the same way that they heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas > >shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn > >chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest microwave > >beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost in microwave power > >planned that night to handle the anticipated increase in holiday long-distance > >calling traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime watchman, John > >Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he thought > >Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also reported to NMSR company > >officials that Baker's unfinished beers had exploded. > > >================================================================ > >This message is sent to you because you are subscribed to > the mailing list . >To unsubscribe, E-mail to: